“My Accidental Life”

Posted December 3, 2015

“You are on a default path to somewhere.” my accidental life 2

I remind my clients of this frequently. Whether in a stable situation, in transition, or trying to figure out what’s next… You WILL wind up somewhere!

I also talk about the notion of an “accidental career.” This is where you’ve made incremental decisions at various points over the course of your career: “That is a company I want to work for.” “That’s a great salary offer!” “That company is located in a place I’d like to live.” “I need a job, so I might as well take this one.”

Those decisions are likely the best ones with the information available in the moment. Except for the select few, who at an early age know exactly what they want to do and have laser focus on getting there. Most have made incremental decisions that have led you to where you are right now.

How did I get here?

It has likely served you well. You have been successful on many counts. You have a title and a position of importance. You have been able to provide for yourself and your family well. You have been able to use your gifts and skills.

But, are you truly happy and fulfilled?

If you have lived elements of an “accidental career” and also accept the notion you are “on a default path to somewhere,” it can be unsettling. As you get older, has it become your “accidental life?” You start to ask the questions “Is this all there is?” “How long can I ride this out?” “What’s next?”

Is it where you want to be?

The exciting thing is my clients also come to realize, “You’re right where you’re supposed to be!” Everything that has happened to you to this point in time – accidental or intentional – has created who and what you are in this very moment. You can’t go back and change anything, and you can decide what your next steps will be!

It is very freeing to realize you can create that path ahead.

Getting off that default path and creating the intentional path can be uncomfortable and difficult to chart. Doing it alone, or even with family and friends whose intentions are good, you are tied in to old stories and expectations. And, it’s hard to be free to be honest – and to dream.

Through a reflective and structured program of looking at your past & present, uncovering strengths & values and clarifying passion & goals, we WILL be able to map that course and put intention ahead of accident.

Let’s shift gears and start taking control of your path…contact me at tim@ressmeyerpartners.com for a conversation about how coaching can help you create that path.

“Me, Me, So Happy!” – 3 Ways to Bring More Happiness into Everyday

Posted November 25, 2014

“Me, me, so happy!” is an iconic family phrase attributed to one of my older sisters.
She was always the most even-keeled one of the five of us kids, and nothing seemed
to fluster her. Carrying this mantra throughout life may seem a bit “Pollyannaish”, but why not?
We can always choose to look for the negative in any situation and dwell on that.

“It’s sunny out today!” “Yea, but it’s so cold”. “This is an amazing meal!” “Yea, but it
cost a lot and think of all the calories.” “We landed the client!” “Yea, but they’re so
difficult to work with.” In each of these situations you can choose to lead with the
positive or dwell on the negative.

More and more research points to the value – personal and financial – of being
happy and having happy workers. The oft-cited 2013 Gallup Study reports that since
70% of U.S. workers are disengaged and uninspired – and I would add unhappy – in
the workplace, it costs businesses over $450 billion annually. Neuroscience research
shows that while we might default to find the negative in situations, we can re-wire
our thinking to gain the benefits of positive thinking. And, being more positive
translates into “Happy people are better workers. Those who are engaged with their
jobs and colleagues work harder — and smarter” (HBR).
Making subtle changes in how we think and move through our day can lead us
increased happiness. Here’s a start:

1. “What’s the Opportunity?” – Ask yourself this question going into ANY and
EVERY situation. This forces your energy to shift in a positive direction that
generates creative solutions.

2. Pat Yourself on the Back – Take time to reflect on the little wins on a daily
basis. Use these to remind yourself of the value you bring dozens of times a
day. It may be as simple as getting your kids off to school, or making someone
smile on the train when you give up your seat. You can do this.

3. More “ands” Fewer “buts” – Look for the positive builds in conversations
rather than taking the contrary position. “It’s sunny out today, and let’s enjoy
the brisk walk.” “This is an amazing meal, and we’re blessed to be able to
enjoy it together.” “We landed the client and it’s going to take our best effort
to wow them with amazing results.”

Being happy all the time maybe more than we can hope for, but being happier a
higher percentage of the time is something we can all choose to achieve.